if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
