I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
