You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
