3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
