he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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