Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
