i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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