Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
