if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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