i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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