Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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