dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
