You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
