it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
