Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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