think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
