Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
