Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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