Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
