"it" just moved
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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