I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
