**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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