i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
