Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize