we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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