so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
