your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am spending my child support on dildos
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
