Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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