I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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