Got a toothbrush?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
