I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
