I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have tasted many bathrooms
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
wow bdsm is so cute
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
