He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
