i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
