Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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