Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
