I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
