she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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