things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize