People in love make me want to vomit
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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