You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
