she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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