Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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