I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
