Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
