well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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