: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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