I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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