I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
