i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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