When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
