last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
