Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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