I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
