No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize