is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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