He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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