Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
