When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
