Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
