I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
