I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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