I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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