how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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