she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
