i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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