Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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