you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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