The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
