nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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