My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
