So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
