He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't turn off my feet"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize