Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
